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Memory-Lane Monday: While we’re chatting, I should mention about the big red switch …

opinion
Aug 31, 20202 mins

It’s a whole new world in this place.

Computerworld  |  Shark Tank
Credit: Computerworld / IDG

Flashback to 1988, when this pilot fish’s IT experience is limited to work at computer stores on standalone PCs. But then he’s hired to work in a real data center — raised floor, glass walls and full of Wang minicomputers.

“I was given an introductory walkthrough by my boss, then shown to my cubicle just outside the glass wall and left there,” says fish. “I was awestruck. A real computer, on a network!”

Fish reads through his employee welcome packet, then logs into his terminal for the first time. Up pops a menu of choices. Gingerly, fish begins exploring. One menu option is WSNSTART. Fish selects that and presses Enter.

Several screens flash by in quick succession, and then the main menu reappears.

Not quite sure what has just happened, fish continues reading the menu choices. Another one is WSNSTOP. Hmm, he thinks, if I just started something with WSNSTART, I should probably stop it. He selects WSNSTOP and presses Enter.

Again, several screens flash by quickly. Then fish returns to looking at the other menu choices.

A minute later, he hears tapping on the glass behind him. It’s his new boss inside the computer room, beckoning fish with his finger.

Fish meets his boss inside at the main terminal. “Did you just run this?” boss asks, pointing at the WSNSTOP command.

Yes, fish replies, and explains why.

“Pointing to each letter in turn, he said, ‘WSNSTOP is Wang System Network STOP. You just brought down the network,’” fish reports.

“Luckily, WSNSTART brought it right back up. Even more luckily, I wasn’t fired that day.”

sharky

Questions that Sharky gets a lot

Q: What's a pilot fish?

A: There are two answers to that question. One is the Mother Nature version: Pilot fish are small fish that swim just ahead of sharks. When the shark changes direction, so do the pilot fish. When you watch underwater video of it, it looks like the idea to change direction occurred simultaneously to shark and pilot fish.

Thing is, sharks go pretty much anywhere they want, eating pretty much whatever they want. They lunge and tear and snatch, but in so doing, leave plenty of smorgasbord for the nimble pilot fish.

The IT version: A pilot fish is someone who swims with the sharks of enterprise IT -- and lives to tell the tale. Just like in nature, a moment's inattention could end the pilot fish's career. That's life at the reef.

Q: Are all the Sharky stories true?

A: Yes, as best we can determine.

Q: Where do the Sharky tales come from?

A: From readers. Sharky just reads and rewrites and basks in the reflected glory of you, our readers. It is as that famous fish-friendly philosopher Spinoza said, "He that can carp in the most eloquent or acute manner at the weakness of the human mind is held by his fellows as almost divine."

Q: Do I have to write my story in Sharky-ese?

A: No. Not at all. Just be sure to give us details. What happened, to whom, what he said, what she said, how it all worked out. If Sharky likes your tale of perfidy, heroism or just plain weirdness at your IT shop, he will supply his particular brand of Shark snark.

Q: I've got a really funny story, but I could get fired if my old trout of a boss found out I told you. How confidential is what I send to Sharky?

A: We don't publish names: yours, your boss's, your trout's, your company's. We try to file off the serial numbers, though there's no absolute guarantee that someone who lived through the incident won't recognize himself. Our aim is to share the outrageous, knee-slapping, milk-squirting-out-your-nose funny tales that abound in the IT world, not to get you fired. That would not be funny.

Q: How do I get each new Shark Tank tale emailed to me?

Easy. Subscribe to the newsletter.

Q: Where are the Sharkives?

Tales of old can be found in Sharky's archive.

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